The last two weeks have been unforgettable. Fortunately this is not true at all. I'll remember them for a while, until the time will not be able to stretch the famous merciful veil. I also hope to let that shroud off and lighten the burden I feel.
Looking back, it seems impossible to think of everything I saw, said, done or thought. I was in Brazil and then to Rome, then certainly not in radiant health, I am in Switzerland. A Sunday full of ... Well, I do not know what to say back. There was hope, dream, emotion and expectation. There was also some anxiety. But anxiety was positive. Have deluded is a painful thing. Have certain of the reasons could be a mitigating factor, but in the end the conclusion was bitter ... At dawn the next day it seemed that the sun had not risen. In the evening, it seemed that it would not be born again.
Then, as promised in another post, I started to my feet. It was not easy. I'm forced to walk, but I was troubled. Then a moment of breath, and behold, everything has taken a far more difficult.
Dealing with the disease, that of their loved ones, is an event that had happened to me a few times. It 'not a chance encounter in pain. Anyway, it is inevitable that sooner or later it happens. And then react, adjust, deal. In a word they are looking in the mirror and do not try to distinguish what can be done, but what you can do ...
Knowing your limits is more important to know the potential. The presumption of invincibility is the source of falling ruins ...
short pain and difficulty. A tension that extends like wildfire, to try to contain, understand and accept without a violent rejection, but with good breathing. Tonight I write for an hour, looking for a peace that seems impossible yet it will come again, I wish I could fly away from the city without fear of my Christmases and my choices. Still will not. Gonna move forward and wrapped in a silence full of questions.
And I will go to some new questions that await an answer. I could let go of those, but it would be something to regret. Instead I have to write the new words and new pages on my own book. My impression is that for quite a bit pages will not be exciting, but at the same time, in my having taken so many blows that they have lost every piece of armor, I expose myself to the next trying to avoid not only agility and throwing them against the blades.
What I learned in these days I can understand it only when summarizing all known contours and quiet. Seeing now the canvas of my paintings torn, I understand if restored, or simply start up a new subject. E 'was great to sail in calm waters for months, but at the shambles of a raging storm, where lightning and rain were intertwined loudly, the ship is damaged, and I do not even know how badly.
If I judge from my dreams of these nights I have the impression that not get myself any time soon. I am sick inside. And it's a bad sad, one of those who have no pain. However I will eventually win this bad before. I also have to regain the confidence that you can give to someone else. I'll have to ... Who knows. I'll have to do something to figure out which way to go. For now I left the throttle and continuously along an artery in darkly lit corners which do not recognize that interest me taking advantage of the aerodynamics of a car used to the speed. But when this runs out I'll be back and I choose a curve and also on the gas, it will take gasoline and it will take an idea ... And that, in an hour of letters and an outlet complicated I have not found ...
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